Winning!

Has that been copyrighted yet? Well I'm borrowing it Charlie.

So this is my second post in a month!! That's why I win. I win over last year! Ok I know you're all screaming Loser! But a big pvvvvttttt to you!

It's lent now and though I'm supposed to "give something up" most people use it as a diet==no more chocolate, soda, blah blah blah. I've decided to try to be less "screamy" at my kids. They don't deserve it. And it's not that I'm a loon with them but my patients is lets just say, short-lacking-small--NON EXISTENT! I'm going to "give up" being short tempered with them. Give them a chance to be kids. Be silly. Make me laugh. Not understand what I'm saying when their 2, 4, and 7 years old. Let them sneak a cookie. Watch an extra show. Sit on top of me. Spill juice.

Sometimes you just forget they're kids. And when you do remember....they're not kids anymore.

Anywho.

Verdict

Well helllllloooo. It's me. The once a year blogger, last entry May 11! lol. Yea I'm still here. Figured it's a month into the new year and I'd say hi!

"Hi"

I'm just kidding. Sort of, I don't sit on the computer much and when I do its usually to make something for Girl Scouts! Where it goes very underapreciated. But at least I feel good about it right?

Update from last pathetic blog....I'm still running. I do enjoy it but it's become one of those thing to make me feel guilty when I don't do. Add it to the list right? So I'm signed up for a race a month for now till May. Then I guess I'll look into some more. I really like them even thought the nerves are unexplainable before the race. And the demons that say "are you out of your f-in mind" always show up!!!! I did join a gym but it's hard to get the kids there with me--middle guy hates it though he does go---and then i try to go at night but feel **guilty** for leaving the hubby home alone while the kids are asleep when it's the only time it seems sane enough to talk at home! When I'm there I think yea I'll be back every day this week...lol must be the state of delusion i'm in while running in place! Lack of oxygen or something!

Hmm house looks like toys r us blew up and they didn't want to clean the reckage. Another ***guilty*** issue. Why can't I clean this sh*t hole up?! June Clever I am NOT.

Money...ugh that has been a big one. Where does it all go?? I'm not a huge shopper. I don't wear fancy clothes or do anything extravagant. I don't think I need to add in the feeling I have here...you know...the my bringing no income and we have no money verdict! ****GUILTY**** yea i did it anyway!

I'm stuck in a wierd rut. Anyone feel that way?

A small awesome tidbit, for xmas we got a heating blanket....I may be in love. I set it when the kids go to bed and when I finally climb in it's nice an toasty.....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Of course the youngest climbs in around 1am and the middle wakes around 3 where hubby goes to his room to sleep out the last 3hours till he has to get up. Hey...more blanket for me :)

***Guilty-Pleasure!!

TTFN. I may be back. (get it MAY)

Did I pass?

Ok so here I am! Hello again! I've been really bad getting to the computer lately. I really don't know how people accomplish working from home. But whatever, I can never sit here without it being midnight or having someone on my lap. I've been slacking on here and on daily mile and well dare I say it...even face book! No one seems to miss me though so I"m not pressured....Yea that's the way I'm looking at it ok!!!

Anywho. I guess I passed the judgement day? I'm kinda shocked. I've been really selfish lately. Today was the viewing for one of the triplets. The one's I've ranted on about before...yea. I hadn't heard much since they were born in April. I didn't think too much of it as I didn't hear anything about the parents or the babies unless it was news that was passed along to me. But last week I hear the horrible news. One of the little boys contracted NEC and as it usually happens in preemies...couldn't fight it off. Horrible. Unspeakable. As much as I was upset at the way I was dealt into the situation, NEVER NEVER NEVER would I want anyone to have to feel this pain. I immediately contacted them and told them I was here and thinking of them.

But to go to the wake. Uh. I was shaking thinking of it....crying when mentally I was forcing my self to needing to go. But when it came down to it...I just couldn't. My second chance is the mass tomorrow, but I lock up a the thought of that little coffin. That is one of those images from Andrew I flash on and fall apart. So here I am...selfish. Not going for my own mental well being, though the guilt and need to please everyone creeps up. I'm going to send them something tomorrow. I can't see them taking offense to me not being there. I know I should have. I just couldn't do it. My baby girl will be 7 in less than a week. It's taken me 7 years to be able to talk about Andrew without my voice cracking. Their birthday is hard, the day he passed away is harder....watching the whole thing from a spectators point of view...ugh I'm pretty sure would just throw me back into mush.

Anyway. I'm here. Pretty shattered realizing I'm not as strong as I want to be for my friends. Please think of little Travis in you're prayers. And for his parents. Though they have two babies in the hospital to distract them now....this horrible pain and loss will always be there, waiting to get them when they think they feel content and happy.