Monday, March 7, 2011

sh*ty

Well apparently I'm a shitty friend, a shitty Mom, and all together shitty person.
Yea. I don't write this in plea of a bunch of reassuring "oh no you're not"s--if i were to get them!
But this week has been down right...well shitty!
Ive been going back and forth. Do I take my experience and use it to comfort someone which in return will probably send me down an emotional rollercoaster I just don't want to deal with...or do I just play spectator? Not only did I get the invitation to the triplet baby shower, my friend who's having triplets is now in the hospital with preterm labor--as expected from a triplet pregnancy--and I've been relayed message updates from a mutual friend. Every update seems to smack me with the relization that this girl has no idea that I've already been there and her want for me to send "cheery and upbeat messages" to the expecting mother is just not going to happen. I'm partly bitter partly distraut. I mean I got nothing when I was pregnant with the triplets. Friends didn't come visit, or call, or check to see if I was ok. My immediate family was there....that's all. I wasn't offered a shower--at work or from friends I've known for years. Even after all I've attended and done for their own. But now I'm asked to "send messages of hope" and "help keep her happy". I want to scream FUCK YOU! But then the guilt sets in as it always does...be the bigger person....help her out (even though my experience is doom and gloom) but they obviously don't remember that part...or any part...they're just looking out for themselves And well they should be, I guess I really need to just start doing that too.
I only ever get stepped on. I though I was a stronger person. One who was at least respected for being strong. But here I am again complaining to a computer screen and keyboard.
The next fantastic thing was I got wrapped up into the politics of GirlScouts. I thought I'd enjoy it, and I do. Its some work but that's expected. I really enjoy being there with my princess and working with the girls. I thought all was well until my co-leader (who asked me to do this with her in the first place) flipped out. Said I do too much and she doesn't think it's working out. She said she'll have no problem starting up a new troop. WTF???? Sounds like she has a plan already doesn't it? Oh I'm sorry....all's you do is complain about you're work and how busy you are and you're schedual isn't flexiable but I put the crafts together and I'm doing too much??? I can't take it. I just want to throw punches. So now do I just quit? THis way the troop is still together. Princess will be upset but she'll still be in her troop? Or do I let her take her daughter and leave? Leaving me with whatever girls don't follow her (she has a small posse and I'm not sure who else would go with her) and let the troop be broken up and be stuck with no help? REALLY>>>>FUCK YOU!
As for a shitty mother. I feel like all I do is yell. 6 and 3 constantly fight....1 just follows along and gets hurt or hurts the others!

So that's it. Haven't heard back from anyone today. Kids are still being yelled at. I don't like being an emotional tumbleweed.

3 comments:

Kellie said...

But today was better....oddly! lol. Got to see Mom and sister and grandma. Kids were good even though the car ride was long...friend found her lost puppy :) got all the girlscout cookies out of my house...made dinner #thedinnerexperiment! kids all sleeping and while I was going to go to the gym...I could use a little down time.
:)

MicheleLPearce said...

I do an awful lot of yelling as well. I HATE it! I tell my kids all the time that I HATE yelling at them. Why do they make us yell? Just comply and things will be peaceful -- DAMMIT!
It never fails, the day after you hit rock bottom and have a nervous breakdown, things are always perfect. Then I am stuck wondering what the hell it was that I lost my mind about the day before.
Motherhood is such a bittersweet job!
I wish we lived closer so we could share a bottle of wine on Friday nights! <3

Kellie said...

Yea me too. I may just have to make a summer trip up to the RI! Ready for the Ritter invasion? I'll bring wine to make up for it! :)