Tuesday, December 30, 2008

2008 Reflection

Wow. I'm sure I'm not alone in saying "Where the hell did 2008 go?"
I can recall moments through out the year but I really can't account for the 366 days that went by this year. I hope I'm not questioned where I was on March 3rd, because I won't know!!
This year has been alot of ups and downs for us as a family. 
*January started with the death of my Great Grandmother. She was 99. I can't say people were devastated, but we still lost the matriarch of our family, not one person could remember a day without her here. 
*Then came the big horrible news that started out and has been an everyday reminder for us. My Dad was diagnosed with advanced terminal lung cancer. A death sentence. He has gone though radiation, chemo, biopsies, more radiation, more chemo, more scans tests and what have you. He lost his hair...then his mustache, then about 40lbs. It took forever to get information out of my Mom. She is a nurse in a drs office so she really sees the medical side of things and instead of being a wife or mother she plays medical assistant. It's very obnoxious, but I think its the way she deals. I still get little bits of information passed along in random conversations. "Wow I have a sink full of dishes, oh and your Fathers cat scan showed something on his hip" WHAT? What cat scan??? 
*The year moved along. Hubbys Grandfather turned 92. He's amazing. He has really become my Grandpa too. He loves the kids, he delivers meals on wheels to people who can't get around like he does and he always has plans!
*Hubby turned 35. He didn't seem to care, but I know he kind of stuttered when his birthday came around!
*My baby boy turned 1. Talk about a year that just...wow. He's so happy. Such a good baby. Goes to anyone, eats well. DOES NOT SLEEP. But I think I'll take that over a cranky kid all day long. He's damn cute too!
*We traveled to Disney as a family. That was both hectic and awesome. My Daughter can't wait to go back. She's saving her money in her piggybank  to go!
*My baby girl turned 4. Again....amazing. I can instantly bring myself back to holding her for the first time at a tiny 2lbs. Feeding her through her ng tube.  Folding over preemie diapers to fit her little body. I still marvel at her.
*My MIL has been in and out of the hospital. Much like every year. This time we got a good month of her feeling well enough to go out of the house. Shes back in the hospital right now. She needs a new line put in to allow her tpn to feed her. My FIL has really been amazing. He's cranky and out of a job, but he's certainly been taking care of her 24-7
*My Cousin has been going though some infertility issues. It's not her system that is the problem but his. I think she's really jumped to the kidless depression quite quick. Though I guess 33 makes it come along quicker. My Mom keeps telling me that I should talk to her to support her and tell her what I went though. But I selfishly can't help but think who will then support me when she gets pregnant with triplets!! Mostly cause thats my kind of luck! I do want to be there for her. She came down to sit with me when I was on bedrest. She even rubbed my legs! I guess I should make a day for us alone.
*Politics still suck. I'm worried what the next years will bring. Money is tight and I certainly haven't been saving like I should. Hubby could lose his job with no notice and then what? Or house was re-assessed and well if the taxes go up anymore this may not be our residence for long. 
*And of course personally, I still battle myself with what goes on in my body. It took 3 years of treatments to have a pregnancy that I could hold onto. I was very happy with myself once my Daughter came home, I gave it a year and then I lost alot of weight. It took 2 years of "what happens happens" to become pregnant with my Son. Of course a year later and the weight came off...but it came back on too. Though that might have to do with the little over a year and "what happens happened!" but I didn't know untill I was in the mists of a loss. Yet again. I don't talk much about it...I've almost gone numb with it. I'm ok now. Just hoping when I convince the hubby that maybe one more for the road that he'll agree...and so will my uncooperative body!
WELL.. 2008 all in all a long year that went by in a flash. The year to come has many milestone birthdays as well as anniversary's and potential life changing losses. I may just go over all that I expect in another utterly long post!

Sunday, December 28, 2008

The Aftermath

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all!
Wow was that a crazy few days! I really don't even have enough time to cover the mayhem! Christmas Eve was easy!! We did nothing. Nothing at all...cleaned up and did a little food prep. But no entertaining! Very exciting! Then my parents and siblings came down with more gifts, I was already in shock with what was put in the basement! But I guess I needed to remember that it wasn't just gifts for the kids...it was for Mom, Dad, Sister, Brother, Me, Hubby, and the Kids. So that would be alot
Christmas morning we woke up to little Miss yelling "he was here!!!" It was very cute. She ran in to tell us what was open and left for her brother! Of course he was up and very uncooperative during the night so the fact that he was back to sleep at 7 made me want to sleep some more!! Oh well! 
It was crazy opening. I had everyone bawling at the photo book and calendar that was made for my parents, not my plan but I guess they liked it!!
My Sister and I got each other a photo of the two of us in the exact same frame!!! Funny.
Then the rest of the family showed up...more gifts...more food...ALL GOOD!
Yesterday we headed up to my Aunts to do a bit more celebrating and then in two weeks or so we'll be doing our last party with Hubbys side of the family. Hopefully his Mother will be here to join us and not in the hospital like she is now. (she wasn't in for Christmas...just went in the day after)
Well that's all for now. I'll try to post one more time before the years end!!!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

"I love christmas cookies"

We have this kids book that after every page says "I love Christmas cookies" and both my husband and I have been saying it for a good week now! It is true though, and I've been baking for about a week strait, but....the love is fading! 
I am, however looking forward to Monday. Every year a friend, jerseybeachmama, (how do i link that??) and I get the kids together for some kiddie cookie baking! The kids love it. So do I. We had to cancel on Friday since it snowed here...just a few miles north of her where it just rained. I just didn't want to her chance the driving. So we're on for Monday. 
Its so cute. We often let them stamp out their names... take photos, eat too much. My little guy might be the third wheel this year. Last year he was still not mobile this year is a whole different story! 
I know. Still no photos. I haven't quite perfected this blogging. Maybe I'll try to get some pointers while the kids are wrecking the house during the cookie sugar rush! 
"I love Christmas cookies"

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

lacking technology

So as I was surfing facebook today and chatting back and forth with a good friend from highschool, I thought DAMN!!!! WHY DIDN'T I HAVE THIS WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL?! Really. Can you imagine all the people I'd still talk to? I guess if I wanted to? But then of course, sliding doors right? Who wouldn't I have met? I remember in college, my junior year, maybe? When the college got "email". I would go to the computer lab, cause not everyone had their own, and I'd slowly connect to my email and send a message to my husband (well he wasn't my husband then!!!) at work. It was a novelty! A fun thing to do and see if it worked! I'd of course still send letters! I also remember the first plans I exclusively made over email. I thought boy I hope this is "real" as I'll look pretty stupid waiting at the mall that I never go to just to meet at a halfway point with a friend I don't get to see. As if the whole thing was fake and I was just playing a game with the computer! I'm just amazed I guess. Playing the part of old lady; ME! haha.
I'm sad I've lost contact with alot of people. I'm heading up a graduating class group on "the book" and often have to confirm people through my yearbook. I've re-read the notes we all wrote each other and am sad that I have lost touch with them, and missed so much in their lives. I am happy though that this awesome site has put me back in touch with them even if it is just to "add as a friend!"

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

My reasons for hating "Jon and Kate"

I know it sounds silly. "Hate" what am I 5 years old? But everyone seems to be obsessed with this show, even my Mom!! I can't bring myself to watch the whole show. I know maybe if I did I'd enjoy it. But in all reality it's not the people in or on the show that I so called Hate. It's the premise. 
I went through a ton of infertility treatments. Ended up pregnant with triplets. And that was with a very conservative doctor. Three fertilized eggs were replaced yes, our final three actually, but only two took. One of which split into identical twins--not fully split--they shared their amniotic sac. After 4 months, surgery, loss of a baby, bed rest, constant tests, fear of total loss, then water breaking, hospital stay and finally a completely 13 week premature birth of the two babies then loss of my precious baby boy, I'm a bit bitter on the fact that they not only have twins...but now have 8 children. Or maybe more so that she was able to carry a pregnancy with 6 babies...I couldn't hold 3. I guess before that I couldn't even hold 1 so who's to complain right?
I guess bitter or jealous...I don't know. Everyone gets their 15 minutes of fame. 
Now oddly enough my neighbor went through a very similar situation as I did only she has her two boys and lost her baby girl. Completely the yin of my yang! Strange right? But she loves this show!! She claims she watches it because Kate abuses Jon. I don't know...I refuse to watch! Though we often talk about our "anger" with our losses. I guess everyone sees things differently. 
All I ask of my limited audience is take a moment to think of who you're talking to when words like "can you imagine having that many kids at once" comes flying out of your mouth! Cause some of us have imagined it...even if it blew up in our faces.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Making Christmas Bright...

Well I have to say I'm pretty much finished with shopping. And I'm happy to say that I really didn't stress or spend alot this year. Not for any reason, I didn't buy stuff on the cheep or get used items. I just didn't get alot. We all decided to take it easy this year. Just getting for the kids or doing alot of family gift pools. It made Christmas...MERRY! 
I don't have to worry about the after holiday bills...though I used a credit card, it's won't be horrid to see (still more but not YIPPES more!)
My Hubby and I are not exchanging anything more that stuff from the kids to us and so it doesn't look like Santa snubbed Mommy and Daddy!
Now of course there's the wrapping, which if my kids would sleep through the night, won't be bad and I don't doubt that the holiday dinner will probably out cost the actual gifts! But hey, it's all in good cheer!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Bitter Sweet Turkey

Well Happy Belated Thanksgiving!
I'm a bit behind. I was doing well up untill now. I just having had the alone time to type anything! So Thanksgiving was good in general. We went up to my 90yr old Great Aunts house. We haven't been there in years. But with the constant reminder that this may be my Dads last of everything, he's calling the shots on where to go! And we all agree and follow. It is usually a table dead center of the living room from wall to wall and stuffed in with people, dreaded, but sort of wanted! But this year being the extra people (us) it was buffet style. Which was more comfy but just not the same. Not to mention I sat across from my Dad who is sooo skinny and sort of lost in what used to be my Great Uncles big chair. He hardly ate, and just dozed on and off. Like I said bitter sweet. My Dad was always a constant eater...he'd go back for seconds, thirds and whatever he ate while making and carving! And he's not a big man!!! Really...never over 190...ever! Now he's maybe 150. I did all I could not to melt down. It was hard. 
So past that...on our way home, my little girl said she had a belly ache...normal right?? Ate too much right??? NOPE! At about 2:30am she came in our room curled up next to my hubby and puked everywhere! Awesome. Again we still thought she ate too much. She kept it up about 4x's that night. Then in the AM she was better. Still sleepy...just not puking! Till about 5 that night. 
Now it was just a matter of time that it went through us all...and by sat night it was well on it's way. The joy of holding a 1.5 year old while he's puking and handing him off to your hubby so you can go puke then come back to take him while hubby takes his turn! Oh so fun! So much for a relaxing holiday weekend...I'm in belief that those are a myth! lol
So we're almost back to normal. A bit residual on the little guys part...but they said it would take more time for him to shake the whole bug. 
So I hope my story hasn't brought up your turkey leftovers!