Monday, January 24, 2011

bound to happen

Well it was bound to happen someday. Got the news today that friends of mine are expecting triplets. I knew she was pregnant but today we got the done up jpeg with the cute little peapods form TS3.
I suck. I mean really. Here's the problem. This particular couple I have known for years. We all worked together right out of college. They met at married....and it's been a few years now so I was sort of speculating what was going on. Now having gone through the amount of infertility treatments I did, and the losses we endured---triplets--- you would think they might maybe reach out to me...or at least give me a little heads up....or maybe not send me the f'in cartoon announcement!!!!!!! Ok I know I'm not the center of anyone (other than my family) life...but COME ON!!! That's just rude.
When I responded to her Oh So Cute email I say congrats because I am really happy for them, but also because I've learned to just bite my tongue and cry in my pillow. So in response I write "Congrats I'm so happy for you guys. Please don't take my lack of contact in any way of not being happy for you, it just reminds me of our past situation" Best I could do. So her email back to me...."Thanks, I'm feeling great!" WTF?!!!! Still no acknowledgement? Whatever.
Unfortunately for me we have too many ties to just drop out of their radar. However they never seem to make an effort to come see me and I rarely see them. It will just be a bombardment of photos and cutsie comments from now till....forever. UGH.
As I keep reminding myself to protect my heart from the constant pain of that loss....I have three beautiful children. All miracles.....all healthy. I'll be repeteing this through the sniffles all day and with each comment I'll be getting smacked in the face with forever.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

I've been working on the railroad....

all the live long day...
Ok maybe not the actual railroad but I've had that song stuck in my head for some reason! It's a fun song, except for when you have to sing "Dinah won't you blow" lol. Gotta laugh at that!
Anywho, I've been cleaning some old stuff out lately, a little on my need to get organized. I'm having a hard time getting rid of baby stuff. The little monster has out out grown alot of clothes, and though the toys left from the other two are his age range he doesn't play with them when he can just try to grab what his older siblings are playing with! So what do you do with it all?? I won't throw it in the garbage, I hate dealing with freecycle and craigslist. I seem to always get the wackos who say yes, plan a pick up then say, nah give it to someone else! UGH. So I keep calling for charity pick ups, which is hard but at least in my mind they're going to a "good home". I hope.
It must be the hoarder in me :)
My DH likes to call me that, and it scares me!! Have you seen that scary show?? God help me if that happens! Yikkes.

Monday, January 17, 2011


Well not to be morbid...but what is it about kids that make you (or at least me) think about your own mortality? I guess it's just the responsibility for all these little lives. I don't know, I mean I'm not a depressed person. I'm not stressed. I have seen and been hit with my share of heartache in the form of death. Most way too young, some who lived amazing long lives. But something about leaving my children with out their mother just causes this deep ache. "Will they remember me" "Will this screw up their lives forever" "Will people know that they like more peanut butter than jelly on their sandwiches?" "Does anyone know where the next size clothes are in the basement" Stupid questions. Sometimes I look through photos and see there are very few of me and the kids. I'm usually behind the camera. So I force the camera on my DH in hopes that there will be evidence that I was here. Not to be arrogant or selfish. But I just assume they need me!! My little monster hasn't been away from me for more than a few hours---in which i still felt tremendous guilt. My little man still is a big cuddle bug, and of course the princess...a girl needs her mom. No matter how much they butt heads!
I hate to scream at them, which of course does happen. Cause then I think, if something happens right now is that what my last words to them should have been? I know. Maybe I need some help?! But between Oprah and her horrible stories of people coming home from the mall and the family being killed in a crash and even the biggest loser and that woman's story of loss. How can you not be slapped in the face with that thought??? Just strange.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Moving right along!

Hello again.
Look at me go...two in a row! Sorry, I couldn't resist!
I was full of energy today--or full of pepsi max! Whatever it let me get a good amount accomplished anyway. I got the laundry AWAY which is big, I had all the Daisy GirlScout meeting stuff ready to roll out the door with me, dinner in the crock pot by noon, dishes done! Go me! Productive and yet not stressful day!
Now as long as this snow doesn't hit we'll be able to have our family xmas/new year party on Saturday and the hubby won't be all annoyed that it was cancelled. Schools up north are already closing the doors for tomorrow WTH??? With all the suv's and 4x4's out there why are there more snow days? Whatever. The town did a crappy job plowing THAT RIGHT I SAID IT TOWN!!! When I had to shovel 5 extra feet into the street to be able to reach open road that 's a problem. Oh and it's what a week, wait more, later and the street to the schools are still only one lane! Don't mind my 10k in taxes...I'm sure it's doing something else for the town right?!
Sorry, I digress...
So what am I going to do with all these new found toys and gizmo's?? Little Miss is at the age when all her new things are too small to be left around for the Monster that will eat them. I know get rid of some stuff. I agree, but easier said then done.
Till next time!

Sunday, January 2, 2011


Well it's here...time to make some promises like the suits!
No really. I've been thinking about it, I am usually good for the ol'standby of Lose Weight, Be know typical things.
This Year, hmmmm. I don't know. I mean last year was relatively quiet. Not in my house I mean. And well you would be able to tell if I didn't sneak off and write my life away somewhere else...which I deleted before I even thought to just stick the link here (!!!!) But I mean, no births...., no deaths...., no tragic things. I'm very great full.
Last year I actually accomplished something for myself. Something I never thought I'd do, something I actually despised!!!!
I ran~ and ran alot~
I started in September with a class for Moms. The end goal was a 5mile run (it had a cause, not one I was overly interested in but hey...if I'm paying it might as well go to someone!). Before the class started but AFTER I paid up all's I could think of was WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING? Really, you're not a runner. Nope. Never. Basketball-yup, Volleyball-hell yea, Softball-sure, RUN--NOPE! hahaah. So I trucked on. Trained during the week and gave it my all each and every weekend. BAM 5 Miles!! 52minutes. I was really just so proud of myself. I hopped on a few 5k's after that.
So this year, I'm just not sure what's in store! I'm on the get you're butt organized kick but we'll see. I'm not promising anything! As for a "resolution" I'd just like to relax and enjoy my babies while they're still enjoying me.
Happy New Year!