Self Control

Well I've been struggling with self control lately. Today though I need extra strength. I'm headed over to girlscouts today and feel as if I'm going to be spied on. Seriously. This has become a mix of paranoia and pissed off-ed-ness. I'll pop in more unwanted details later but for now lets just say...I'll be running the meeting on my own tonight and the other leaders daughter wasn't coming and now suddenly she is.....I offered to give her a lift there since her mother can't be there and was told no she wasn't going...now suddenly a different mom is bringing her. Hmmm. Nice right. I"m so mad right now. All the kids slept last night and I was tossing and turning over this f-in meeting. AHHHHH. So angry. More to come.

Dr FeelGood.

I know you're all humming the Montly crew song...go ahead!!!

So everyone knows the whole friend with triplets saga....well here's another moral problem...my cousin has been going through tough times getting pregnant (no she's not having triplets..yet...) well my Mom yesterday told me one of her trials that "no one was supposed to know about" of course you know how well that stays in families!!! But anywho. So now on what was supposed to be a nice weekend at my Moms, hanging with my sister and brother and mom...was going to be an ambush of having breakfast with my cousin so I could be there for her and make her feel better. WHAT?! Ok. I love my cousin. Yes I know what it's like, I've been there. I also know that sometimes you don't want to talk about it. AND sometimes, MOM, the person who went through it doesn't want to talk about it either!!!! So needless to say I told the nosey nelly's that I would just call her on my own and see if she wants to talk..under her own obligation and not being tossed into "breakfast!"

So while I mentally mopped around, mostly for understanding my cousins struggles, I had to deal with psycho cookie leader. UGH. she really makes me feel just, bad. Thats it. I feel horrible around her, which is annoying cause I thought we got along. One of those things where you go back to your conversations and now wonder if she was rolling her eyes or sighing the whole time!!!

Needless to say I polished off a bottle of sparkling raspberry flavored wine last night and a hand...ok bag....of jelly beans. DR FEEL GOOD :)

2 years gone by now.

Well it's been two years since Dad passed away. I can't believe it's been two already. I really miss him. I miss his crazy ways. His inappropriate dirty jokes. His cooking--no matter what it was it smelled like butter and onions. His smell of coffee cigarettes and paint. His layers of flannel shirts that he wore as a jacket. His over stuffed velcro wallet that I'm pretty sure myself or one of my siblings bought him at that secret santa shop. How his eyes lit up when he saw his grandkids. His mustache that was turning "blond" though he knew it was grey. I even miss his stinky feet that would actually leave their Oder where ever they were resting! I miss calling him for stupid cooking questions. And him calling me just to "check in" and listen to the kids laugh or cry. The way that he make any day ok by going fishing.

My hubby took us all to the beach today. The ocean just makes me feel close to my Dad. The sounds the smell. I did ok till we were walking and saw an old man using the metal detector. It was at the same spot that you could really smell the cold salty ocean air.

He is the reason I love the beach and could never be far from one.

I miss you Pops. You really have left me with wonderful memories and so many things to cherish. Thank you.